I will not let my illness define me

It's not like

cancer.

It can't be cured,

but it won't kill me

 It's more like

when someone's body

stops producing sufficient

insulin

and they have to inject themselves

with synthetic insulin to

maintain their

diabetes.

My brain no longer 

produces the chemicals

and hormones that are 

necessary

to maintain the balance of

mind and body.

I recently spent

8 days in the hospital

to maintain

and regulate the medications

necessary to treat

bipolar disorder.

Those are scary words.

Especially for me.

But,

I am strong

I love me

I got this

p.s. I have so much gratitude for the outpouring of love, support and especially the prayers on my behalf.  I thank you and my family thanks you.

First Lookers

Our Realtor called last night to say that after almost 3 weeks someone FINALLY wants to look at our house!! I went into severe cleaning mode, but the kids were NOT having it. They had other ideas of slacking off and making new messes on top of the existing ones.. GRR!

This morning I blew off my workout at the gym because I knew I had so much to do, plus get the kids ready for school. Will worked last night and decided to stay for one of their lame monthly meetings this morning, so I didn't have any help coming for who knows how long! I asked the girls repeatedly, in kindly tones I might add, to please please please help me. Still they refused.

Asia was supposed to have rinsed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher last night as part of her kitchen chore and she had not done it. I asked her more than once to please take care of it this morning. She came to start doing 2 minutes after they were already supposed to be out the door. Double GRR!!

I drive Mariah to school behind every slow driver and get stopped at every last stop light, going and coming. I get back home to see that the kitchen is still a mess, someone had smashed banana into the carpet, the bonus room had every type of toy you can imagine and garbage paper scraps strewn across the floor, plus the clean and ironed clothes I had asked them to hang up LAST NIGHT were crumpled in a pile, the downstairs toilet was clogged, and the dog had thrown up on the carpet (she has NEVER done that before...why did her first time HAVE to be this morning?!!) Triple GRRRR!!!

It's 9:15. The lookers are coming at 10. I shoved all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher in hap-hazard piles. When no more would fit, I put the rest into the oven. (Seriously.) I ran (literally) around the downstairs with the vacuum. Sprinted around the bonus room, screaming at Roxelle to help or get out of the way. Flushed the downstairs toilet every time I went past; praying it would flush down (I don't do plungers in addition to NEVER cleaning the toilet!). All the while sweating my brains out!

At 9:47, the ironing board was still out. Asia had graciously left her pile of cleaned and ironed clothes on the couch, the vacuum needed to be put away and Roxelle had made new crumb mess on the kitchen counter. And Will was STILL not home. I shooed Roxelle and Grant out the backdoor to the neighbors so I could finish and make some nice finishing touches....

I know, cheesy!

At 9:58 I was done and out the back door. The plan was to hang out with my neighbor, Elena, in their backyard to let Roxelle play with Angela and Grant could wander around.

I didn't hear the lookers pull up, but around 1o:06, I asked where Roxelle and Angela went. I assumed they went inside. I went around the front of the house to see them in the driveway with their dollies and beyond that I see the lookers and their Realtor leaving. I thought to myself "that's weird...they weren't here very long.."

I went inside and they didn't even touch the cookies! :( Bad sign. They must not have liked the house.

Long story, short. My Realtor calls me an hour ago to say that the buyers Realtor followed up with her to say they didn't even go in the house because "The homeowners 2 little girls answered the door and said their parents weren't home. We contemplated calling the police." WHAT?!!!!!

Turns out that sometime between 9:47 and 9:58, Roxelle and Angela had come into the house unbeknownst to me and were in there when I sneaked out the back. As I was asking Elena where they were, they were coming out of my house to Elena's driveway, which is where I found them. SERIOUSLY WANT TO STRANGLE SOMEBODY!! I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone these past few weeks.

testing from new email address

I need to find out if this new email address is linked with our family blog account.  Sorry for the inconvenience!

Oh brother.

Conversation between Tatum (4) and I while Grant was in the bath.

Tatum: Can you get him out so I can dump the water from his tub?

Me: Just a sec, I need to wash his bum and penis.

T: It's called a weenie, mom.

Me: Oh really? Who told you that?

T: Hannah. (her cousin, 3)

Me: Hmmm. Why was she talking about weenies?

T: Because Colby has one. (Hannah's brother, 1)

Me: Oh. Well, where was Colby?

T: Taking a nap at Grandma's house. We were upstairs in Grandma's bathroom.

Me: .......

Yikes.

From BABY girl to BIG girl :(((

------>>>>>>>>

My baby girl is growing up! :((( She is my only girl that doesn't have her ears pierced. I have never let any of their hair get this long before the first trim. I don't want her to grow up! But, since I haven't invented that time stopping machine, I guess I will have to let her.

Before

During

After

She was a little freaked out by holding her hair at first.

Oh my gosh, she looks so much like Megan!!

Oils

A few weeks ago Will, Grant and I flew to Kansas City, MO to see my brother, Ross, graduate from medical school (KCUMB).

It was so much fun to go and see family.

My sister, Megan lives in St. George, KS (near Manhattan, KS).

They are only about 2 hours apart from each other.

Chelsea, Hannah, Colby, my parents and us all flew out there on the same flight and Paula flew out at the same time from Vegas.

We flew into Kansas City, MO and then drove to Megans in a rental and Ross and Lindsay's other car.

We got to stay with Megan for 2 nights in her house and explore her cute little town.

My favorite part was going to the Friendship House and getting their home made breads and cinnamon rolls!

If it weren't for the scary tornado's that would be a really great place to live!

We headed back to Kansas City where we met up with Jay, Mike and Jackie at Ross and Lindsay's. Dad, Mom, Mike, Jackie, Megan, Adalyn, Ellie, Claire, Paula, Will, Grant and I shared 2 hotel rooms (yeah, it was a little crazy).

Jay, Chelsea, Hannah and Colby stayed with Ross, Lindsay, Braden and Cashel at their little apartment.

It was such a blast to hang out with everyone.

There is always a lot of laughing involved!

It sure does make it nice that all of can easily laugh at ourselves.

It makes the teasing a lot more fun!!

Ross's graduation was on Saturday morning and was such a great commencement ceremony!

I am very proud of Ross (and Lindsay, too) for making it through this difficult time of schooling.

On Sunday, we visited Liberty Jail visitor's center and went to Independence, Mo. Liberty Jail was very moving.

Independence was also very interesting!

On Monday, we went to Far West, MO and Adam-ondi-Ahman.

Those were both very spiritual experiences.

Will and I both really want to go back again and spend a little more time.

At around 4 am on the Saturday morning,

Grant fussed and so I fed him and went back

to sleep, when we got up to get ready for the

graduation, he would not nurse at all.

He hadn't been feeling well since we flew out.

In fact, he had projectile vomited all over

Will the morning we flew out (around 4 am)

and then again on the plane. He had a fever too,

poor guy.

He didn't nurse that day for hours.

I don't think he ever fully nursed that

day or the next day. I was so engorged

on Saturday night that I had to hand

express, since I didn't take my pump.

That was not fun. I did that several times

on Sunday and a couple times Monday.

He just did not want to nurse. He did

eat some baby food throughout the day and

would snack on cheerios, but that's it.

By the time we flew out on Monday night,

I was so uncomfortable and one spot

was starting to burn on the right side.

As soon as we got home around 10 pm,

I pumped a full 16 ounces!

But the burning only intensified.

The next morning my skin was red and

hot to the touch and swollen in that

spot. Grant was still not wanting to

consistently nurse, so I pumped each

time I tried feeding him. He didn't really

want to take a bottle either.

That day, I rubbed 1 drop of my doTerra 100% CPTG Melaleuca oil on the red spot. A website I looked at recommended Melaleuca for Mastitis. I really did not want to have to go to the dr and get an antibiotic, but it did not look promising. That night, I rubbed it again with 1 drop.

I was planning to do it again on Wednesday morning, but when I woke up, the redness was almost completely gone and so was the swelling. It was still a little tender, but not as bad as it had been. I decided not to use the oil and see what happened. By that night, it was completely back to normal in looks and only minutely tender in that spot AND Grant nursed for a complete session!!!

By Thursday, my skin was completely healed and no pain at all!!! I am so totally convinced. I love my doTerra oils!

(If you want to learn more, visit my doTerra store page. If you want to buy some oil at wholesale prices, let me know!)

JA Biztown

On Monday, Will and I volunteered to help out with the 5th Grade JA Biztown field trip. It is SO cool! The kids prepare for weeks ahead of time learning how to keep a check book and interviewing for the job they want, etc. They even hold elections for the town mayor and for the news anchor. Mariah ran for news anchor of BZTV against 10 of her classmates and was the campaign manager for her friend that ran for mayor. Neither of them were elected, but they had so much fun making signs and things! Mariah ended up scoring her 2nd choice job as camera operator at BZTV!

The town consists of 19 businesses that are sponsored by businesses in the area. I oversaw the Best Buy in town and Will oversaw Intel. Each of the kids had to open their Key Bank checking and savings accounts and manage their own money.

Each student had their own job. Each business had a CEO and CFO and they had responsibilities all laid out for them. The kids earned a salary and got paid twice during the day. They were given 2 break periods where they could use their JA bucks to purchase items from the stores in town. There was also a little cafe that they could purchase a cup of soda or popcorn/chips all run by the students!

Best Buy sold small electronic things like light wands, calculators and light up jewelry. The kids could buy things to take home from NW Sports store, like a full size basketball, soccer ball, etc. They also had water bottles and things. There was also an Animal Shelter where you could adopt a "pet" that you got to keep. (Stuffed, of course.) Mariah bought a virtual pet from Best Buy and then bought a soda on each break.

It was such a fun day and all the kids seemed to really enjoy themselves. During Mariah's first break, we were eating (the lunches we brought with us) at the cafe and this boy comes to the counter and orders his soda and then turns toward us and says "This is SO COOL! Kinda like a birthday party....only 500 times BETTER!!!"

Mariah's 5th Grade class with her teacher, Miss Cuddy. Mariah and BF's Svetlana and then Alex

The mayor giving a speech at the opening town meeting

Young Women in Action

A few months ago, Mariah's school started up the annual YW in Action club. They are about "empowering young women to realize their full potential in all aspects of life".

Today they got to take an after school field trip to a local cosmetology school where they each got their hair styled by a student. Then the school gave each girl a "swag bag". It had lots of free stuff in there to encourage personal hygiene, etc. I was really surprised and so grateful for those that took the time to put all of this together. These 5th graders need some encouragement!

ok, just one teaser

Maybe I'll get it sent out one of these years!

To blog or not to blog....

I went through a really weird time during my pregnancy with Grant. I don't know how to explain it without writing a novel, but I have been feeling much more like myself over the last month or so and have been getting the itch to blog again.

With my type A personality, I have the urge to go back and play catch up, but I have convinced the inner me to let it go and start from today and go forward. I am not making any promises, but here goes.... (ok, maybe tomorrow. It's late and I'm tired. LOL!)

Roxelle

Roxelle has the most unique sounding "baby voice". She is actually kind of low register monotone most of the time. And she RARELY shows any emotion or influx in her voice when she speaks. She is very straight forward. Her words get mixed up, but she says things so pointedly and looks right at you like you should know exactly what she's talking about.
We just have the following "conversation":

(all the kids are outside) Roxelle saunters in the back door (in her pigeon-toed stride), by herself, without shoes, with Brinlee's pink and black plaid painters hat on, backwards. Snot crusted up and down her face. She says something unintelligible, but I take the fact that she came in by herself to mean that she needs to go potty.

I was listening to voicemail on speakerphone and she asks:

"Who dat?"

me: "..."

R: "MOM. Who dat?"

me: "a message"

R: "Oh... I go aaside (outside)"

And she goes to the door, so I follow.

She starts to walk out the garage without shoes.

me: "Hey, you need shoes."

R: "O-goss." (Oh gosh)

I put on her shoes.

me: "Where's Brinlee?"

R: "Oh. Bimbee up-ee da hill."

She says as she saunters (deliberately swinging one arm faster than the other) out of the garage.

Me watching amused.

R: "See-ya mom"

I follow her quietly to see where she's going because I don't hear the other kids. She saunters (arm still going) to the end of the driveway before she realizes that I'm several feet behind her. She turns around and says:

"What, mom?"

I laugh and call to Brinlee. She is, indeed, at the "top of the hill". I tell her to watch Roxelle and so Brinlee calls her to come.

R: "Comeen, Bimb."

These are the times when I wish I could download the video/sound memory in my head so I can replay it over and over again. Only a baby girl with 4 older sisters could have that much deliberate attitude!!

Baptism By Fire...

About a month ago, I was released as the Young Women's Laurel Advisor. This also meant that I would not be attending Girls Camp this summer as had been planned.

Today, the girls met at the church from all over the stake to have their personal items loaded into a U-Haul to be taken to camp. Several groups of girls were following the U-Haul to camp in a bus, one day early, in order to complete a 6 mile hike.

They were traveling north and near Castle Rock, WA, when Brother Crebar (the U-Haul driver) "smelled something funny". Then he lost his brakes as smoke started coming into the cab at his feet. He tried to get safely to the shoulder, but then flames started shooting into the cab at his feet. He opened the door and stood on the side rail trying to steer while standing outside the cab, but then lost the ability to steer. The truck headed toward the cement median and he bailed out onto some grass and watched the truck as it continued on, until scraping along the median to a stop. He is so lucky to not be hurt more, let alone be alive.

The firefighters had to put out the flames with the flame retardant powder, since there is so much oil involved in a vehicle fire. I am told that a lot of stuff was thrown into a garbage trailer on scene and deemed completely unsalvageable.

While I was at the church, girls were allowed onto the parking lot 15 at a time to watch an adult, wearing gloves, go through their chemical covered belongings to decide what can be professionally cleaned and what is garbage. Some girls couldn't find any of their stuff, meaning it had been trashed on scene.

Scriptures, journals and pictures were the most treasured things lost. Everything else was mostly toiletries, etc. The stake presidency said to throw away EVERYTHING that goes in the mouth or on the skin. This leaves a lot of girls without prescription medications, retainers, and other imperative items.

The other big loss was all the food. One whole weeks' worth of food for the entire stake was lost. Thankfully, whomever picked up the U-Haul this morning felt impressed to purchase the additional insurance package and every last damaged/lost item WILL be replaced.

The girls are set to leave again in the morning at 9:30. I am praying that this will be a great testimony building experience. That this will teach them to show the adversary that all cannot be lost when faith comes into play. He is playing on these Young Women's emotions right now and my hope is that they will all persevere.

When I initially arrived, I expected things to "look" much worse. And I expected a horrible smell. Things didn't "look" or smell bad, but everything that was anywhere inside the van had to be completely sprayed with the retardant and should not be touched by bare hands.

Some items that had to be thrown away were brand new and never been used; including sleeping bags, cots, blankets, etc. It was really sad to see water logged sets of scriptures and journals be thrown away.

Several of the girls were very disturbed by seeing the head of "Annie" (the CPR dummy) all charred to bits...

BIG trouble

I know I'm in trouble when I still have 10 weeks to go and none of my maternity clothes will fit... :(

For the last few Sundays, I've had to try on several different dresses to find one to fit. I don't "feel" bigger than my other pregnancies, but I feel different. I've actually gained less poundage thus far than the other 5 pregnancies, but I guess I am carrying this one differently and everything is SO tight around my tummy.

These were taken last Sunday. That was the last time I could squeeze myself into one of my favorite maternity dresses. I got this dress when I was pregnant with Asia in summer of 2004 for Ross and Lindsay's wedding. It's such a comfortable dress (when it fits right, LOL!).

I'm getting kind of sad that this is my last one. At times, I am so miserable and uncomfortable that I KNOW I never want to be pregnant again. Still...it's hard to let go.

Seaside

The girls have been begging us to take them back to Seaside, OR since we went over this past spring break (I know, I haven't posted about that, yet, but I'm trying to get caught up..PROMISE! I will get the pics uploaded to the journaling SOON).
Anyway, I looked at the weather and saw that it was supposed to be nice, so we went! First, we rented one of those Surrey bike things for an hour. We had wanted to do it last time, but ran out of time.

Too bad they don't offer 1/2 hour rentals because we only last 35 minutes!! LOL! Those 5 kids, plus ourselves, were HEAVY to pedal around! It was so much fun, though, and we all had a blast!

The Whole Fam Damily!!

At a stop light

On the Move!

We stopped for a Pronto Pup and ate on the ride. After Will and I were completely DEAD, we returned the bike and headed to Carousel Mall to look around. The girls drooled over all the cool toys in the shops. Then we got a couple of Elephant Ears at the corner shop. (SOOO SO GOOD!)

After we finished that, the sun had finally burned all the clouds off and it was warm enough to hit the sand.

After they dipped their toes in the water and I beached myself like a whale on the sand (that bike ride about killed me!), we cleaned up and went to The Candyman Store. It's turning into a tradition to hit that shop on the way out of town. We all got our fill on "samples" of salt water taffy and picked our assortment's and then stopped in the attached ice cream shoppe. I got my favorite!! 2 scoops; 1 pumpkin and 1 "haupia" (coconut). MMMMM!

They didn't have any non-dairy options for poor Roxelle, but she tried... She stood below the glass counter case shouting "I. WAN. CHOCKET!!!" at the guy taking our order. She wasn't crying or mad, but was insisting that he get her chocolate ice cream. POOR THING! That KILLS me when she has to sit and watch us eat something she can't have. I packed cookies and candy treats for her to have in situations like this and she was satisfied with a Dum Dum sucker.

We stopped in Rainier at Grandma E's coming and going. It's a great 1/2 way pit stop for potty breaks. We had invited her to come along since we have 8 seats in our "new" van, but she is on doctor's orders to stay in because of a bad kidney infection.

First Day of School?

Mariah had her first day of "Summer School" today. She was so nervous last night that she kept saying her tummy hurt and that she didn't want to go. She was so afraid that she wouldn't know anyone and that it would be boring. We tried to tell her that she would know lots of people and that it wouldn't be boring, that they would play fun games and stuff.

It's a 3 week program that runs 4 days a week (M-Th) from 9:15 to 1:30. It's free and they provide both breakfast and lunch.

As I dropped her off, we saw lots of familiar faces and I think that helped ease her nerves.

When I picked her up, she couldn't stop talking about all the fun stuff they did. She said that her good friend, Kimberly, from her 4th grade class was also in her summer class. After being home for a couple hours, she announced that she was "SO bored" and couldn't wait to go to school tomorrow! LOL

Lake Merwin

The girls popped their fireworks on Sat. night. They had so much fun and are still talking about the very first one we lit. We had decided to do them in the back yard since the sun was still up and very hot in front. They had gotten this bumble bee one and we thought it would spin and crawl on the porch. After Will lit it, we all back up and were staring at it until it suddenly took off into the sky about 2x higher than the house and come down in the neighbors yard. We all busted up! We decided to move back out front.

Sunday, we had a very fulfilling and spiritual sabbath. Our testimony meeting was the best one in a VERY long time. And, the girls were all VERY good. It's been a while since we had an uneventful 1st hour, especially when I'm alone (Will had to work). Roxelle even went to nursery without crying! I kinda felt like I was in the twilight zone...

On our way home from church at noon, I talked to Will and he said he was about to leave work, that they let him go early!!! I was so stoked! Especially since I was dreading packing up and driving fpr an hour to the lake by myself.

We spent the night up at Lake Merwin with Will's family. It was a crazy good time. We were a tiny bit ill-prepared, but it was a total trial run. The girls LOVED it up there! We were trying to stay again last night, but Will had to work today and wasn't able to switch shifts with anyone. We were going to stay through FHE and dinner, but after I took a nap yesterday, I started "spotting". I wasn't having contractions and the baby was moving periodically, but I didn't want to chance it, so we packed up early and came home. Grandma E said she's keep Mariah and Brinlee for one more night and bring them home today.

I called the Dr. on our way home, since we don't get cell service up there, and she said to get home, take a warm bath, lay down and drink a lot of water. She said if I started contracting or the spotting didn't stop to go into the labor/deliver at Southwest. After I showered, I realized that I had gotten a small tear and that was what was bleeding, not from the pregnancy. I was so relieved! Will and Bryan had given me a very nice blessing before leaving and I knew everything would be fine!

As we were leaving, I realized that I hadn't taken a single picture. Luckily, Brinlee had taken her little digital camera up there and here are the only 4 shots we got.

Brinlee and the view of the lake from the porch

Another picture from the porch

Daddy inside the RV

Tatum in the RV

Journaling

The girls finally finished school this week on the 22nd. It feels like the summer is 1/2 gone already with them getting out so late! In other ways (weather-wise) it feels like summer has just begun. It's been SO rainy here for the past couple of months, we were worried that the sun would NEVER show up again.

Today is our 12th wedding anniversary.

June 26, 1998

We didn't have any plans because, until a couple of weeks ago, I was heavily involved in the 2010 Youth Dance Festival (A Firm Foundation). We went today with Will's family to watch the 2:00 performance. I can't imagine how anyone can logisitically coordinate nearly 2,000 12-18 year olds?! They pulled it off and had a complete BLAST! Sister Cook from the General Young Women's Presidency came and also a member of the Quorum of the Seventy, whose name I can't remember right now, but I'll try to find out.

For the very last number; ALL the youth came out onto the field to sing "How Firm A Foundation" and for the last verse, all the full-time missionaries (about 120) came marching out in 2 lines, holding white flags to join in. It was AMAZING! By far my favorite part of the whole thing!!

The missionaries are on either side of the group with the white flags.

Afterwards, Mary Lou took all of us to Wendy's for lunch/dinner. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted, but it was all worth it!

Future Roomies

With the incoming family member appeasing the Erickson Family Corp. EOE group, we have to make some rearrangements to the home office.

A couple of months ago the girls asked where the new baby brother will sleep and I told them; "In the nursery." Then where will Roxelle sleep? In the bonus room...and then I happened to suggest that possibly Asia could move in with Brinlee to make it even and we experienced a total meltdown. I don't blame Brinlee. She's had her own room for 2 years now and she and Asia are not always the best of pals. So I said we'd think about the arrangements later and that the bonus room is big enough for 3.

Over the last several weeks, I've been thinking about it and it's silly to put 3 kids in one room while the other 2 have their own. Mariah's bedroom and closet are barely big enough for her and her stuff now. It would be crazy to try and put another person in there, even with bunkbeds to save space. So, I decided that it would have to be Asia to move, but decided to not break the news just yet. I wanted to try and make it special, so I budgeted a little money to find some cute furniture (possibly from Craigslist as my budget was itty bitty). Long story short, I was lucky enough to find these darling "bedroom in a box" sets for almost exactly the amount of my budget!

I decided to go ahead and set everything up now, but not have Asia move in until just before school starts. I don't have a twin bed to put in there yet anyway and this will help Brinlee ease into the idea of sharing a room.

Now I'm trying to decide on which comforter to use out of the 2 I found. I could have gotten the exact same thing that Brinlee has, but the furniture is already SO matchy-matchy, that I wanted to mix it up a little.

Between the 2 on the floor, which one do YOU like the best? (I realize they are wild from the get-go, but they LOVE it and says it's "very Taylor Swift". LOL!!)

Here are pictures and a video clip of Brinlee's initial reaction(s).

Brinlee was.....a little shocked (maybe disappointed, too), but after the camera stopped, we had a little heart to heart about her concerns with having a roommate. She cried for a few minutes and then after we talked I told her to look her in new drawers and that was the end of the tears. Then we called Asia up for them to look at the new comforters. I think it will all turn out ok in the end.

The "before" pictures

p.s. You'll get the full "after" pictures once Asia gets all moved in ;)